As I have gone through the past couple of years of college, there is one thing that has remained fairly constant… all of my friends are getting married. Now ok, maybe the term “all” is a bit broad, but it is almost to the point where I can count my remaining single friends on my two little hands. I love, love, LOVE that I have so many amazing people in my life who have managed to find the one for them and know that’s who they want to spend the rest of their life with. But if I’m being honest… every wedding announcement I receive seems to add one more cat to my doomed old age spinsterhood that is looming in the future.
As I look through the latest “WE’RE ENGAGED!!” photo album on facebook I become overwhelmingly happy for my sweet friends. And then, I become bitter. I can’t even tell you how many jokes have been said about dying alone or living in my married friends’ basements with all my kitties and knitted sweaters. It’s cool though… all in good fun right?
But then I got to thinking (dangerous I know) and I realized that I am 21. While for some 21 may mean it’s baby time… for me, it means I still have a year of college. And then grad school. And traveling. And tons of awesomeness remaining in my twenties. Just because I’m not on the wedding train right now doesn’t mean I’m gonna have to learn how to make quilts and live alone in a basement for the rest of my lonely days.
The fact that I (and many other women I know) can suddenly turn into this pathetic, powerless, “no one will ever love me” broad when I should be exploding with joy for my friends made me realize that I desperately need to fall back in love with myself before I can ever fall in love with someone else. Yes, that may have been the cheesiest thing I’ve ever said, but just think about it. There is nothing wrong with where I am right now in life. I am in such a great place. Sure, I fall victim to the movies and book version of romance and love, but there won’t be a healthy relationship in my future if I don’t learn who I am now. How I’m gonna achieve this? Uh, I’ll let you know once I figure that out.
One thing I know for sure is that life is happening now. It’s not gonna start once we graduate (yikes), or start our career, or buy our first house, and certainly not once we settle down and get hitched. What’s that saying about looking for things? The second you stop searching so hard for what’s missing it suddenly ends up right in front of you (or something alone those lines)… well maybe we just need to stop searching and seeking so much into our future. Or lack of love lives. Or favorite pair of shoes you haven’t seen since April. Those things will come and fall right into your lap once you stop killing yourself and turning over every stone you come across. Or maybe they won’t. But once you take the focus off of those things and turn it inward… and realize that you’re (or that you CAN be) happy without them, and be totally in love with yourself… I think you’ll be amazed at the change you see in your well-being.
One of my favorite Marilyn Monroe quotes (Yes, I just pulled the Marilyn card) is
we should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid. So are regrets.
…. And shout out to my single ladies, we need to take Marilyn at her word! All I know is when I’m old and grey I will be pissed at myself if I spent my entire youth waiting for my life to start once I stopped being single.
So I say hug your friends. Be happy for them (for realz). Get to know your own heart. Fall in love with your spirit. Start livin’ ladies (and gents), and enjoy the little things. Don’t drown your youth with “what if’s” and “if only’s”.
And maybe have a beer. Ya know… baby steps.